I've been in a very dark place for the past several months. I made the decision to stop taking the anxiety/depression medication I had been taking for a few years and it was probably not a wise choice. It was while we were in Guatemala that I realized that I needed help.
So back on my medication, the crawl out of the pit has been slow and difficult. I am beginning to see hope again but I am often paralized by fear particularly when it comes to finances. I am absolutely terrified. I know that it's irrational (isn't that what fear is?) and I know that God has promised to take care of me and the kids. I know. And He has faithfully done that. But I am still scared.
I also realized on my trip to Guatemala that I need people. I am surrounded by wonderful friends and family but it is very hard for me to ask for help, to ask for their presence. I don't want to be an imposition, to interupt their lives or to burden them with all my stuff. But I think I need to...I just don't know how to, exactly.
That's where I'm at. I don't know anyone is even reading this blog but if you are, I'd love you hear what you think and maybe some prayer.
Thanks.
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3 comments:
Hi friend. I do read your blog, but I haven't posted until now. I feel compelled to post though. I understand the depression and anxiety. I also understand not wanting to "be a burden"....but I'm learning that God has placed friends in my life(family too) so that I can be surrounded by love and support. I've learned that I CAN call some people late at night and say "I just needed a prayer...." and that's really ok!!!
I'm thinking of you and praying for you. I'm here if you want to talk. I'm here if you need ANYTHING!
((hugs))
Anne Elliott
Eness,
I've been looking in regularly and wondering how you are...as a former 'dark place' person, I think I get where you are...
I'm praying for light to expose the dark places and a growing faith in your heart to match the one in your head...it stinks when you "know" all the right answers and still have trouble setting aside the lies.
Mostly for courage to keep going one step at a time...
Lynn
Never feel that 'unloading' on your family is ever a burden; that's why we're here, and you're always present in our thoughts and prayers.
Much love,
Bebe
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