hurting

all weekend i've been struggling with hurt and betrayal. someone i loved, that i was close to, betrayed our friendship and that has been hard to deal with. what makes the hurt even more painful is that to this person, i don't even exist. my feelings, the fact that i am a real person isn't in a part of their conscience. everyone around me has some value or at least is given some consideration/thought but not me. honestly, it's as if i've been erased.

i can't tell you want that does to me. it hurts.

what's worse is that i know there are may people who love me, who would be quick to affirm and value me. but none of that eases the pain at all.

i know all the right things to think; i remind myself that my worth is found in God, that He, more than anyone else, is the one who matters.

i know, i know....but it hurts. when will it stop hurting?

if you're one of my friends and you're reading this, the best thing you can do for me is pray. you can't fix it and i doubt that anything you say will ease the pain. and even in the middle of all this, i know that prayer is what i need because i need our Father to be present, to comfort me, to help me.

and i AM grateful for my friends, for the people who have loved me through some very difficult times. and i can see God in my life, caring for me and for the kids. i'm just so tired of hurting...

ok, next blog will be better - i'm hoping.