Last night Aidan and I were coming home from his football practice and our conversation turned to the upcoming Jr. High retreat that he and Connor are going on. My thoughts turned to his ratty blanket that I knew he'd want to take with him.
(A little history on the blanket... a few years ago we had a ceremony for Alyssa who decided to give up her blanket. We had a campfire in the backyard and tearfully, she brought it down and threw it in the fire. Caught up in the moment, Aidan ran for his and through it in, too. That thing was so gross, it didn't even burn - just kinda disintegrated. However, Aidan wasn't really ready to give up that comfort and quickly adopted another, bigger blanket, a FULL-SIZED blanket that he drags everywhere with him. It is coming a part; he can actually crawl into it like a sleeping bag; the filler is grey and remains that colour no matter how often we wash it. I won't describe how it smells...)
At this point I need to confess that my fear for Aidan is that he's going to take that old blanket on the retreat and the other boys will tease him about being a big baby with a blankie. Note I said that this is MY fear. I don't think this thought has ever crossed Aidan's mind or more likely, he just doesn't care what the other kids think. So in my subtle, mom-way, I asked him if he'd thought about giving up his blanket, that maybe it was time for another burning ceremony. I pitched him on the idea that he's getting kinda old to love a blanket so much, that it's definately had better days, that it's really falling apart, yada, yada, yada.
Aidan just started to cry.
He's not ready to part with that source of comfort.
Which made me a little sad because I want so much to be the one to comfort him. I want him to feel like I'm the one who can be there for him when he's afraid or feeling insecure and needing some solace.
And then I thought about me and God. And how there are things in my life that I go to when I'm feeling anxious and looking for a little comfort myself. And how it must make God a little sad that I don't turn to him - the God of all comfort - to find my peace, safety, security. Yet God patiently waits for me to grow up a little more and gently he draws me to his heart where I am learning to find all the comfort and rest from my worries I could ever ask for.
So Aidan, my beautiful boy, you can keep your blanket. I'll still be here. I'll still be waiting.
Love,
Mom
(A little history on the blanket... a few years ago we had a ceremony for Alyssa who decided to give up her blanket. We had a campfire in the backyard and tearfully, she brought it down and threw it in the fire. Caught up in the moment, Aidan ran for his and through it in, too. That thing was so gross, it didn't even burn - just kinda disintegrated. However, Aidan wasn't really ready to give up that comfort and quickly adopted another, bigger blanket, a FULL-SIZED blanket that he drags everywhere with him. It is coming a part; he can actually crawl into it like a sleeping bag; the filler is grey and remains that colour no matter how often we wash it. I won't describe how it smells...)
At this point I need to confess that my fear for Aidan is that he's going to take that old blanket on the retreat and the other boys will tease him about being a big baby with a blankie. Note I said that this is MY fear. I don't think this thought has ever crossed Aidan's mind or more likely, he just doesn't care what the other kids think. So in my subtle, mom-way, I asked him if he'd thought about giving up his blanket, that maybe it was time for another burning ceremony. I pitched him on the idea that he's getting kinda old to love a blanket so much, that it's definately had better days, that it's really falling apart, yada, yada, yada.
Aidan just started to cry.
He's not ready to part with that source of comfort.
Which made me a little sad because I want so much to be the one to comfort him. I want him to feel like I'm the one who can be there for him when he's afraid or feeling insecure and needing some solace.
And then I thought about me and God. And how there are things in my life that I go to when I'm feeling anxious and looking for a little comfort myself. And how it must make God a little sad that I don't turn to him - the God of all comfort - to find my peace, safety, security. Yet God patiently waits for me to grow up a little more and gently he draws me to his heart where I am learning to find all the comfort and rest from my worries I could ever ask for.
So Aidan, my beautiful boy, you can keep your blanket. I'll still be here. I'll still be waiting.
Love,
Mom
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